Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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