I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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