Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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