You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
