He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
