Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I still have a little drunk in my system
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
