I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
