Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
