she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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