no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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