So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
