bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
