i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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