And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
