i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
