I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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