I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
