The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
