Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
