I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
