jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
