batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
