So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
