Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
