Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
