Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
