just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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