you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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