In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
