At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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