Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
