she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
