I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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