another moral hangover. fuck.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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