your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
