Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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