i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
