nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
