She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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