Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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