So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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