Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
