i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
