Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
