you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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