i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
