I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
