The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
