I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
