You really coming over, don't trick.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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