Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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