what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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