I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
