when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
