Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
