Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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