I wish I could teleport
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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