i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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