why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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