I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
