Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
